Candlelight and Confusion
by Mouko
Summary: Vile wants something X has, but X doesn't quite grasp what that  'something' is! Can Vile make X understand? Will X grasp the concept? Will Zero save him from that concept? Why am I asking so many questions?


Disclaimer. This is a comedy/romance fic between X, Zero, and Vile. It has male hinting, but is generally more funny than lime.  
  
You're warned! *holds up a warning sign* :D  
  
If you're an ALL CAPS AND IMPROPER SPELLING child who flames us sweet authors... Yer being warned! I'm going to laugh at you and show all my friends how silly and adorable you are. ^_^  
  
The condenced leet talk for those who do not understand!  
  
F00L$! Th1$ f1c @r3 l33t t00! 1t 0wn$ j00! 1f j00 d0n't l1k3 1t, g0 @w@y!  
  
  
----------------------  
  
" Zero! HELP!" X squealed, kicking his legs vigorously. X hung over Vile's shoulder, trussed up like a blanket, as the purple Maverick bolted down the hall.  
  
X had been minding his own business, training in the simulation room, when Vile fell through the air vents on to him. The shock of being crushed by a Maverick wearing a bucket-like helmet had left him  
helpless for a moment. That was all the time Vile needed to wrap a mat around X's body to pin his arms, then haul bottom with the blueberry wonder in tow.  
  
" For the last time, shut up!" Vile snapped as he tore down the halls. " You're making this worse for yourself!"  
  
X stuck out his tongue at Vile, then screamed out for his best friend.  
  
" HEY!" Zero gasped, peering his head out of his door. His long golden locks were soaking wet and a towel clutched possessively about his waist. " Can't a guy take a shower in peace!?" he snarled. At that  
moment, Vile ran by with X. Zero yelped as his towel was yanked away by the pressure generated as Vile flew past. The towel fluttered in to the room, to which Zero made a dive for.  
  
X blushed brightly, a giant sweatdrop dripping down the side of his face.  
  
" Zero, you're useless," he muttered. Vile laughed aloud and smacked X's rear end.  
  
" Just sit back and enjoy the ride!" he called. He then leaped out an open window and began to plummet. X screamed in terror as the two began to plummet forty stories. Vile quickly reached over to tap his  
teleporter.  
  
Which didn't respond.  
  
" Oh dear," Vile muttered. X's eyes bugged out.  
  
" OH DEAR!?!" he screamed. His eyes watered. " WE'RE GONNA DIE!" he wailed. Vile snorted and continued to tap on his teleporter.  
  
" Just give me a moment," he muttered. X screeched as they continued to fall, Vile tapping on his teleporter calmly.  
  
X squirmed and kicked, squealing his horror, as the ground came ever closer. Vile continued to tap at his teleporter.  
  
" Silly thing must have a short," Vile grumbled. He shook the teleporter, then tapped it again. X closed his eyes and braced himself.  
  
When the ground was but three feet away, the two teleported out with a purple energy blur.  
  
-----------------------------------------------  
  
X glanced about his surroundings, perplexed. He was tied to a lovely chair so that only his arms were moveable, which was placed in front of a table. The table was covered in candles, a rather delicious looking meal, and wine goblets. Red satin pillows in the shape of hearts littered the room. A romantic melody hummed through the air and incense burned, creating a rather romantic atmosphere. X blinked and then eyed his bonds.  
  
" Who is Vile having over for dinner?" he wondered. " And why am I here?"  
  
" Now that we are alone..," Vile's voice crooned. X looked up to see Vile stride in to the room. He wore a purple robe, matching purple pants...  
  
... And his bucket mask.  
  
X sweatdropped.  
  
" What's he trying to pull?" he thought. Vile strode over to X and sat in the chair across from him. He grinned wolfishly at the confused expression across X's child-like face. " Just where I want you..," he  
hissed. His eyes clouded over as his mind wandered.  
  
i" Oh Vile!" X sighed as he gazed lovingly at Vile. " You're so romantic!"  
  
" Why yes, my dear X," Vile said, smiling dashingly under his helmet. X's eyes shimmered like stars.  
  
" You're so wonderful!" X crooned. " Thank you so much for showing me the error of my ways!"  
  
Vile puffed up and leaned in close to the small reploid.  
  
" I'll never let you go!" Vile hissed. X flung himself at Vile, as if he were a lovesick puppy, and wrapped his arms around Vile's neck.  
  
" Never! Never!" X pleaded. Vile wrapped his arms around X's neck and leaned in close.  
  
And then...  
  
And then.../i  
  
Vile drooled a bit, then jerked awake from his daydream.  
  
" Ooops," he muttered. He wiped away the drool, then glanced over at the oblivious X. " Comfortable?" he asked.  
  
" Comfortable? I'm tied to a chair," X pointed out.  
  
" Are you comfortable aside from that?" Vile asked. X blinked.  
  
" Why do you ask..?" X asked, suspiciously.Vile opened a bottle of wine and poured it in to the two wine goblets.  
  
" A toast?" Vile asked, cheerfully. X stared, confused.  
  
" What's going on?" he asked.  
  
" Why X, surely you have better table manners than that?" Vile chided. X blinked. " Now... shall we toast?"  
  
" No thanks... I don't drink," X said, quietly. He eyed the wine. " Especially when it could be poisoned," he added, mentally.  
  
" X, you're ruining the mood," Vile sighed.  
  
" Mood?" X asked, incredilous. Vile facefaulted. This was going to be a lot harder than he had previously thought.  
  
" Let's forget the wine," Vile muttered. He placed down the wine goblet and leaned close to X. X backed away a bit, eyes wide.  
  
" What the hell is he doing!?" X thought, frantically. Vile grinned from under his helmet. He lifted a finger and gently traced X's cheek.  
  
" Can't you feel it, X?" he hissed. " The sudden feeling? The pressure?"  
  
X's eyes widened.  
  
" Yes! I can!" X gasped. He glared murderously at Vile. " You passed gas, didn't you?" he muttered. " Geez, that is SO disgusting," he spat. " And you're right near me, too!"  
  
" No no no!" Vile yelped. " I didn't-!"  
  
" Well *I* certainly didn't," X muttered. Vile felt his face flush red with embarassment.  
  
It seemed his innocent X was far more innocent than he had originally thought. X didn't even seem to realize that Vile was coming on to him.  
  
Vile leaned close and took X's hand. He yanked it and placed X's hand over his heart. X blinked vigorously.  
  
" Can you feel it, X?" Vile crooned. " Can't you feel it? Tell me what you feel!"  
  
" Heart burn?" X asked, innocently. Vile's cheek twitched.  
  
This called for desperate measures.  
  
He was going to have X realize his feelings, even if he had to go so far as to do something so crude.  
  
" How about... THIS?" Vile snapped, yanking X's hand down farther. " Can't you feel THAT? Can't you atleast feel the animal desire?!" he screeched.  
  
X's face blushed violently with horror.  
  
" Forgive me for being so barbaric but... Tell me, X... tell me what you feel..!" Vile whispered. feeling smug. He had X now!  
  
" Nothing..," X muttered. Vile choked.  
  
" N-nothing!?" Vile gasped. He had expected an entirely different reaction.  
  
i" Oh Vile..," X breathed. " You're so manly..,"  
  
" Yes, I know," Vile boasted. He pinned X down upon the bed and leaned close, his lips hovering. " Let me show you what I can do with such manliness!"  
  
" Tee hee!" X giggled, blushing delicately.  
  
Vile moved in and...  
  
And.../i  
  
Vile jerked when he noticed he was drooling again. He wiped his mouth, embarrassed.  
  
X scowled at Vile.  
  
" Can you let go of my hand now?" he asked, blushing. " I don't have time to touch your... your... YOU KNOW... all day,"  
  
Vile released X's hand, which he withdrew quickly. He wiped his hand upon the napkins, as if trying to erase the feeling and memory of where it had been.  
  
Vile clenched his fists as tears poured down his cheeks.  
  
" I am sorry to go this far, X... but you WILL admit! You will feel my love..," he growled. " And accept it!" he howled. With a cry, he lunged forwards towards X...  
  
And misjudged the distance, sailing over X's head to slam in to the wall. X stared, eyes widening.  
  
" What the hell are you trying to do!?" X cried. Vile stumbled up, mentally thanking his helmet for protecting him. He quickly tore off his robe to expose his bare chest. X recoiled. " And where the hell is  
your shirt!?" he cried. Vile flexed his fingers.  
  
" Here I come, X! Ready or not!" he crooned. X yelped as Vile lunged again. X used his mighty legs to cause the chair to bounce out of the way. Vile slammed in to the table, the wine falling on him. X  
bounced away a couple feet then stopped, panting at the exertion he had to use to make the chair jump. Vile stumbled up, then clenched his fists.  
  
" No need to guard your innocence from me, X! I will not hurt you!" he promised. X yelped and jerked the chair, bouncing away from Vile as the purple Maverick chased him around the room.  
  
" HOLY-!" X cried. " He-! He wants to-!" he hissed.  
  
" FINALLY! You realize my intent!" Vile crowed as he lunged at X, landing on him and causing the chair to topple over. Vile pinned X to the ground, panting heavily. " Now, my love... you will become  
mine!" he growled, huskily, as he leaned close.  
  
X yelped as Vile leaned close.  
  
" What the BLOODY hell are you two doing!?" Zero gasped. Vile jerked up, as did X, to see Zero standing in the doorway. Zero stared at the two, his cheek twitching.  
  
" Zero..," Vile growled.  
  
" Zero!" X cheered. Zero made a face.  
  
" I come here to rescue you and you're about to make mad love!" he grunted.  
  
" Eh eh eh!?" X cried, eyes widening to the size of dishes. " W-what!?"  
  
" Surely you knew..," Vile hissed, his eyes wide. X stared at him.  
  
" I t-thought you wanted the after dinner mint in my pocket!" X cried. Vile fell over, as did Zero.  
  
" Do I have to SPELL it out!?" Vile cried, twitching. As he twitched, Zero untied X and helped him up. Vile sat up and pointed, daringly, at Zero. " You're not taking him away! He and I are going to have  
MAD... PASSIONATE..,"  
  
Vile was unable to finish his sentence when the table fell over on to his head, knocking him out cold.  
  
" ... let's get out of here before he wakes up," Zero muttered. He directed X down the hall, who stared back at the unconscious Vile.  
  
" What... was that about?" X asked. Zero eyed him.  
  
" X... you are such a putz," 


End file.
